


For a Glimpse of Memories

by Eilienel



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Dark Doctor (Doctor Who), English sucks by the way, F/M, Rory died, Unhealthy Relationships, english is not my first language, there will be other tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2020-07-27 22:50:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20053822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eilienel/pseuds/Eilienel
Summary: He never felt really jealous about Rory (it was like getting jealous of Amelia’s dog, who get jealous of a dog?), he got married a few times during his life; who would he be to prevent her of doing the same if it amused her? However, he had plans. Plans that didn’t include her choosing dull, boring Rory and Leadworth. Amelia Pond was meant to run with him across the universe for all eternity and he couldn’t let her toys get in the way.





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! First, I want to say that English is not my first language, I do my best but if there is some grammar mistake left, could you just warn me ?  
Also, it's look like an one-shot, but it's not (there will be several chapters)  
Enjoy!

He didn’t know when he fell for her. 

Maybe it was when she risked all the Britain empire (or spaceship) for saving a space wale. Without hesitating.  
Or maybe when she was standing in the middle of the angels, blind, defenseless, but moving without fear (In a way, he did like seeing her like that, so vulnerable and forced to follow his commands).

Beautiful Amelia Pond.  
The girl who waited.

When he thought about it, it was probably during the London Blitz. How so calmly she prevented this scientist (or bomb, he didn’t really know) from exploding, how she saved the hearth where he almost failed.  
She turned into human a piece of Dalek technology.  
Amelia Pond make you feel human (in her eyes, it’s all the world he could see) and the doctor loved her.  
His mad beautiful Amelia Pond.

She was made for running, to see the universe with him, to escape death and laugh with him. She loved it. So, when she (and Rory, but he really noticed her more than him) came to him after they just escaped a band of flesh¬-eating and very fast alien chicken and asked him to take them back, her and Rory, he didn’t understand.  
His mad beautiful always running Amelia Pond back to the dull, boring Leadworth? (and suddenly, the nightmare of the dream lord came back, pregnant domestic Amy Williams) How could he let her go back? How could he ever let her go?  
“Driving you back like right now in the second or driving you back in a few trips?” he asked carefully (but knowing that whatever the answer was, the TARDIS would land intentionally or falsely accidently far, far away from earth, he needed to think).  
“It doesn’t really matter” answered Rory (and the Doctor felt an ocean of hatred and jealousy burst in his body as he saw him put an arm around Amy’s shoulder) “We just want to be back quite soon.”  
He never felt really jealous about Rory (it was like getting jealous of Amelia’s dog, who get jealous of a dog?), he got married a few times during his life; who would he be to prevent her of doing the same if it amused her? However, he had plans. Plans that didn’t include her choosing dull, boring Rory and Leadworth. Amelia Pond was meant to run with him across the universe for all eternity and he couldn’t let her toys get in the way.

\--

For their “last” trip (Rory’s one at least), he took them in space Florida. He thought that Amelia was sexy in Bikini. He thought about kissing her (gently first, then…).  
She would push him away.  
Amelia played in the waves with Rory, Rory kissed her and she laughed. Amelia’s laugh is like crystal.  
He didn’t mind her having pets. He used to have companions after all.  
But you don’t let a dog bit his master. 

He destroyed numerous of worlds and races (and would do it again if it’s made Amelia smiles), what a dissident dog was on this list? If it’s really made Amelia sad, he could always find her a new one. Maybe he could even create a whole new race (there is very few that he wouldn’t do for her).

Amelia Pond was his and if didn’t feel threatened by Rory (really not at all), but he couldn’t ignore Amelia slipping away from him. Amelia Pond was his, it was probably time for her to realize it.  
When they came back to the TARDIS, her hair was soaking wet (red, red hair as Gallifrey’s sky). He told her to get a shower and changed clothes. He told her that he needed to have a word with Rory and that when she’ll be back, they would be in Leadworth (the word passing difficultly through is throat). Then she would be Amy Williams again.

Now, Rory.

He could kill him rapidly, without pain. However, he had the picture of domestic Amy in his head, and the sight of Rory began to irritate him (why should he be nice with a bad dog?). Plus, it’s been a while since he had his fun.  
It would be messy.

(He just hoped Amelia wouldn’t hear the screams, she was to compassionate sometimes and would be upset at him)

\--

Amy loved Rory.  
She loved the doctor too, but he was her imaginary friend.  
Rory was her charming prince. 

While she waited for a child’s dream, he waited for her. Between the doctor and him, she knew she would always choose him. How couldn’t she?  
They decided together to come back in England. Rory Williams waited for her, he waited long enough.  
They were in love together, together and everything will be fine.

She had almost finished her bag and Rory wasn’t here yet (and she would not clean his mess). She thought that a half-an-hour-shower was more than enough time for the doctor to have a word with him. She began to wonder and a thousand reason why her husband wasn’t back yet crossed her mind, some awfully horrific, some very cute, all of them mostly improbable.  
“Rory?” she called, and he didn’t answer.  
“Doctor, haven’t you seen Rory?” She asked while moving to the console room.  
And then, she saw it. 

The Doctor was covered in blood, a strange smile on his face, a happy childish smile that frighten her. He didn’t notice her yet, she wanted to run away, to threw up and forget.  
And yet, she didn’t.  
Because there was a pile of flesh and blood that lied next to him.  
Because she couldn’t recognize any face on it (and she can’t even say if it was human once).  
But there was a shirt. A flannel greenish shirt now teared apart that she knew for being one of Rory’s. She froze and the doctor see her. 

“Amelia” he called, so gently, warmly, as if nothing was wrong, as if he just got rid of an annoying insect that flee around him for a while now. He stepped toward her and his hand -sticky, full of blood hand- stroked her check.  
She stepped backward and that make the Doctor wince.  
“What’s that?” she asked, shaking, and she didn’t want to know the answer, she didn’t want to recognize it, to acknowledge it.  
And yet she knew.  
He smiled kindly at her, as if nothing was wrong, as if…  
“You were about to leave me, Amelia Pond, and being Amy again.” He explained, another step toward her (and she stepped backward again). “Don’t be sad” he said (she was against the wall now) “I could find you another one if you want too”. She was crying, he tried to weep her tears apart, leaving traces of blood under her eyes (she was so beautiful).

And he kissed her.  
Gently first, then…  
She pushed him away.

Her eyes with a world inside, full of hatred and pain, disgust and broken trust (an infinite sadness).  
She ran away from him (everywhere but with him) inside the endless corridor of the TARDIS. Crying, sobbing her loss.  
Rory Williams, the man she loved crushed as an annoying insect by (once he was) her imaginary friend.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy is a wreck and the Doctor is in deny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a double warning: the first about my english (which is still not my native language), this language is worst than the plague and I think there is a lot of grammar mistake left (if you see some, please tell me so I can correct it)  
Also, the end of the chapter can be considered as (very) disturbing so read on your own risk;

He found her a few hours later, sleeping in a closet, as if she was an afraid child hiding from some monsters under the bed.

She was adorable. 

Her face was still wet of her tears, probably she fell asleep crying. 

He lifted her in his arm and carry her in the med bay. He kissed her on the forehead (he liked the taste of the blood on her skin) and allowed himself to pass a hand in her hair. Clearly, she would be upset at him when she’ll wake up.

It was fine though; she would understand with time.  
And they had a lot of time. 

\--

She dreamed of Rory and waked up empty. The doctor was next to her, looking at her (His eyes were so warm, so kind, so loving, she wanted to rip them of his face).  
“Good morning Sleepyhead” he said softly.  
She didn’t answer and tried to get up, found she couldn’t.  
“Why can’t I move?” she asked, sob in her voice and tears on her face. Again.  
His hand wept the tear away. Again. “I can’t let you wander around in that state, can’t I?”  
He helped her sit up, put her on his laps. She cried again, she was tired, so tired, didn’t even want to fight back. She wanted to sleep, sleep and never come back.  
She felt his harms tight around her, she felt trapped as in a spider web (in the embrace of a monster).  
She wore a nightgown she didn’t fall asleep with; she was afraid.  
And she didn’t understand.  
What happened?  
Why? 

(pile of flesh and blood)

“Amelia, don’t cry, you don’t have to cry for him.”  
“You killed him” she managed to answer between two sobs, “You killed Rory and you smiled.”  
He sighted and explain with the same voice he would take to explain the stars to a child:  
“Rory was getting in our way, you’re meant to run with me Amelia” (his finger playing with a strand of her hair) “I thought you would enjoy Rory’s company -and you did, that’s great!- but you were about to leave me.(His cold, cold breath on her neck) “You can’t choose your pets over me, Amelia. He was controlling you, it’s not your fault. He was bad for you -you don’t keep bad dog- I wasn’t letting him hurt you and take you away from me.” (he kissed her neck, go down to her shoulder) “You are my Amelia Pond, and I’m your Raggedy Doctor, aren’t I?” (the hand on her waist down to her hips) “Rory was a bad, bad dog -the badest I’ve ever seen¬- but we can find an other one if you really want too -or create one, I’ve got all we need for somewhere…” (he was hard against her) “I love you, Amelia Pond, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”  
She broke. 

Rory could be replaced, he said.

(Rory without a grave)

Rory was nothing more than a pet he let her keep.

(Rory without a tombstone to remember)

Rory was an inconvenience to get rid of, as a broken toy a child would throw away. 

Harsh truth as sharp knives.  
He who killed her love, how dared he destroy the memories she had?  
All the pain, the cries, the hate. He who killed her love didn’t feel any regrets.  
She didn’t want to fight. She wanted to fucking kill him as he killed Rory, to destroy him and smile over his dead body (the hate sweeter than the sobs).  
And so, she tried. Finding strengths she didn’t have (from a burning anger), she pushed him and the surprise made him fall on the bed. She tried to choke him and fail. He easily put her hand apart of his neck and smiled. She looked him in the eyes (and she could see sadness, amusement and pride?).  
“I hate you.” she managed before he stood up.  
“Aren’t you hungry?” he asked, “you didn’t eat for a while.”  
She spat at him. 

\--

She didn’t touch the food he brought her. Actually, she tried to stab him with a syringe, and he had to sedate her again. He sighted. Why couldn’t she understand? She was like him, mad, brilliant, and all alone. No one but him could understand her (especially not humany Rory thing), why couldn’t she see it? He looked at her sleeping. Amelia Pond, so fragile, beautifully unaware in her sleep; it was difficult to imagine her wrath from earlier and he had to admit that he underestimated her infatuation for Rory. It was cute, though: Amelia Pond considering herself as a human. Well, biologically speaking, it was still true (which made him think that he to take matter of that), otherwise, she couldn’t be more wrong. She grew up with a whole universe in her head, she had a universe in her head! (she didn’t know what’s it imply nor did he, yet.) Hidden in the back of her mind were worlds, secrets and knowledge that glimpsed through her eyes, her extraordinary sensibility and her personality. And humans call her crazy. How could she think being like them? 

Amelia Pond, wonderful Amelia Pond who thought to be human.  
She was so much more!  
She could be crossed at him, it was fine  
He’ll make her understand.

\--

He begged her to eat for two day. She was to weak and drugged to move so the Doctor carried her to the bathroom and washed her every morning (for what she could consider as a morning in the TARDIS), which was utterly humiliating, and painful (she imagined him drowning every time he massaged her head while washing her hair); but she still resisted about the food, her lips closed in a thin line, ignoring each supplication he made.

The third day, he threatened her to inject her nutriments by intravenous. That when she gave up. “I’ll eat” she said. His smile was like if she promised to marry him. He came back with an omelet that he cut in front of her; she frowned when he picked a piece of it the fork and brought it to her lips. “I can eat by- ““You can’t, and you know it” he stopped her “it’s that or the nutriments.”. She opened her mouth, tears falling silently on her checks. 

This time though, he chose to ignore them. 

He kissed her softly once she finished.  
“I love you, Amelia Pond, can’t you see it? How we’re meant to run through the stars together, forever running together…” his voice sound more desperate for her to understand something she couldn’t as he continued to kiss her, more fervidly.  
“I am human, I’ll die one day, and you will be alone again as you should be.” She hoped that the coldness in her voice would stop him, it didn’t.  
“You’re not, you won’t” he answered “you’re so much more, bigger on the inside, a mind with a whole universe inside trapped in a stupid human body… I’ll change that, you’re meant to be like me, you are like me…”  
“Don’t you dare…” She is terrified, understanding now what it meant to carry the love of a mad man, a man, he who killed her love, willing to change her for what he thought she was. “I am human, you can’t deny me that…Please”  
He ignored her.  
“Please…”  
His mouth devouring her neck.  
“I am not like you, nor would I ever be.”

This time, he froze. It was not wrath or hate in her words, but disgust, as a poisonous green snake which would have bit him, killed him and let him rotten under the sun. He leaved the room without a word, letting her alone, facing the celling.

\--

He came back a bit later when she was able to sit on her bed by herself.  
“We have to speak” he said, “I know Rory’s death is affecting you more than I thought it would.” She tried to avoid his gaze as he sit on her bed, taking her hand and squeezed them. “And I know you’re upset at me ¬-you have the right to be, it’s a normal reaction during a grief- but you are not doing well Amelia.” She met her eyes this time, such a grave face he had now. “You barely eat, drink, you don’t even try to get up. You let yourself dying, Amelia” He let one of her hand go as he passed his own threw his hair. “So, I thought of something, you know that Timelord are sort of telepath -Well, we are- and so I thought I could enter in your mind and…”  
“No…” No, he couldn’t  
Please, everything but that.

“And I thought I should erase your memories of Rory.”

Not Rory.  
Everything but Rory. 

“Please…”  
“That’s the best for you, Amelia, you’ll be happy again…”  
“Please… I’ll behave…” And she thought she was gone crazy: a million thoughts, fear in her mind (crying, screaming, fighting…) and she chose to beg.  
“Amelia…” He is full of a sadness, a resign that she didn’t understand, that make her want to give up.  
Yet, she saw the sparkle in his eyes at “behave”.  
“I’ll be a good girl…” she tried. 

She knew what she had to do when she looked at his trousers.

It’s funny though, those last three day, she thought he would force himself on her.

How funny, everywhere, every time, it was the same story. She thought when she put his underpants down. 

But it worth it, she thought as she began to suck him. 

How funny, for every woman everywhere and every time, to prostitute themselves almost willingly. Here she was giving to he who killed her love, trying to forget the hate and disgust. Trying to smile for him.

Well, she thought, Rory (even a memory) worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I warned you.


	3. 3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is a stupid language if you want my opinion.

You whore.  
You, stupid little bitch. 

How could you?  
How dare you?

It was for Rory

Did you like it?   
When he cum in your mouth.

I didn’t want to.

When he moaned your name  
“Oh Amelia…” he said.  
Rory use to do the same.

I didn’t want him.

You slut.   
Why can’t you just die?

\--

Why couldn’t she die?   
True, that was the question.   
The Doctor leaved after she please him. He kissed her, hug her and told her he would think about it during the night, but that now, she needed to sleep, and promise, he wouldn’t take her memories during her rest. 

(He would think about it as an adult would think about it when a child wants a pet)

He put her in the bed, kissed her on the forehead and leaved. She could move this time. She could get up to the console room (she didn’t went there since…) open the door and threw herself in the time vortex. She was probably sure it would kill her. 

She didn’t. She was afraid.  
If he found out before she died, he would make her forget. 

So now, she was in the med bay, crying in the dark silently.  
Trying so hard to remember Rory’s face.  
Smiling at her, kissing her.

\--

He came back the next morning with breakfast and a bunch of rules. He grinned when he saw her already awake and dressed, her hair in a perfect bun. “Hi” he greeted her with a kiss on the check, she tried to smile at him (he thought, she was trying to hold some tears). 

It was so cute.

His Amelia Pond trying to be happy for him.

“I thought about your request” he began as he installed her to eat “I’ll let you keep your memories as long as you behave.” She almost choked with her tea, he continued anyway. “I need to be sure that you won’t hurt yourself, Amelia, if you want to keep his memory, you’ll have to listen to me and do as I said. Is that clear?” 

This time, she dropped her cup. “Oh” she said before bent down for reach the pieces of the broken porcelain. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Sure, I’ll behave, I’ll do everything you say” her body trembled on the floor “I’m sorry for the cup, please don’t be mad.” Tea was dripping off her shirt. As he helped her standing up, he felt her arm tensed in his grips. 

“I am not, how could I be mad at you?” he smiled at her and he could see in her gaze how afraid she was (she shouldn’t, never ever, she shouldn’t be afraid of him, he’ll teach her) “Just let me take care of you, I promise you, everything will be fine.”

His hand found a strip of her hair that fell of her bun (he really, really liked her hair, maybe he would ask her to do untie them). “Now, we should go take a shower, you’re full of tea, and maybe after we could go somewhere, what do you think?”

“I can move by myself today, maybe I can take my shower alone” He could see it, her internal fight as she pronounced those last words; it made him grin, fiery Amelia Pond, always trying to have it her way. However, she needed to let him be near her, she needed to understand that what they were couldn’t be denied. 

“I’m sure you can, but I don’t want you to.” He felt a bit bad for testing her like that, but her answer (and this amazing mouth with those amazing lips that could make wonderful unnamed things) made him forget, and his hearts began to beat stronger in his chest as he saw her smile (there was nothing he wouldn’t do for her smile).

“Of course,” she said “you just want to care for me. Thank you, Doctor.”

He smirked, he will love the sound of his name on her lips.

\--

He took her to New York, in June 1924. They went to a party in the rich suburb of the city. “Look at that” he told her “All of those robes and costumes, those strass and jewel, all the champagne and music. All this exuberance, this luxure, could you imagine, here all the town is dancing, from deputy to gangster, they all waste their time partying, trying to be forever young trying to never be forgot, failing to find a meaning to their existence in a superficial race to who’s the richest. And, Amelia, all of that will be lost in 5 year. Those people, dancing here tonight, will lost everything, they’ll see their mansions falling apart and their children starving. Do you like it, Amelia, all this depravity and luxe that’ll fade away in the morning?”

He made her wore a sparkling blue dress and put her hairs in a complicated buns. She felt his hand like a burn in her back as he drove her around the house. “Why are you showing me this?” she asked carefully, “I thought we could have fun here, don’t you like it? Do you want to go back in the TARDIS?” And she could see in his eyes that he was genuinely afraid that she didn’t, afraid to deceive her. “No, no, I like it…”   
“Well then…” he began with a grin, grabbing two cup of champagne.” Would you like a drink?”

She danced a lot, this night. Drinking cup after cup, dancing in the middle of sparkling light. She laughed and sang, all of it in a blur, trying to appease her pain, to find Rory among the guests, to forget that her Raggedy man betrayed her, and was now kissing her. She sang and danced, hopped to disappear in the music. She laughed and cry in the same time, and danced again, and again, and again…

All the vanity of this place, the luxury that fade away with time, as a dream that goes away in the morning. 

She danced, drunk, in a blue dress, and her red hair in a buns, in the middle of foolishness and extravagance, laughing as the mad girl she was.

Because, at the morning, dreams fly away and only stand the desillusion of the light. 

\--

« Why do you think I’m like you? » She asked after New York, still half drunk.

(He decided he liked drunk Amelia, she laughed and smiled a lot; he decided though, to do not let her drink, she was still grieving after all)

“ I can't tell you now” he answered.   
“You’re a coward” she said and she laughed, and cried, and laughed again. 

Drunk Amelia laugh because she is sad.

\--

She fell asleep as soon as they come back in the tardis, he carried her on his bed.  
No, it was their bed now.  
He liked this thought, Amelia Pond sleeping on their bed.

He hummed an old lullaby as he prepared breakfast.


End file.
